My debt story

Now I don’t know about you, but if you’ve ever been in debt, it can sometimes feel like you’re not sure how you got there. The simple mathematical equation is that you spent more than you earnt. That’s how you get into debt right? But having experienced it myself, I don’t think I’m alone in saying that sometimes debt can just creep up on you. There wasn’t a big one-off purchase. Or a huge financial obligation that meant that I got into debt. It just sort of happened. Little by little. Over the course of a number of years. Until I suddenly found myself in more than £20,000 worth of debt. How did I get there? Well is my debt story.

I’m a spender. I’ve always been a spender. Growing up I would spend my pocket money before I even earned it. For birthdays and Christmas, I’d always ask for money that I would spend in the Boxing Day Sales treating myself to things I didn’t need. But the things I really wanted. And I guess that money mindset of wanting to spend money. And feeling good about spending money has always stayed with me.

Growing up, we were financially comfortable. Or at least I felt like we were. I never went without anything I wanted. Weekends were spent shopping as a family. And getting treats for no other reason then why not, seemed the norm. If I needed more money to tied me over – because I’d spent my paycheque in Topshop and Miss Selfridge – then the bank of mum and dad would step in.

You could say my upbringing didn’t give me the best money management tools. But I think that’s unfair. I do feel like I grew up thinking I could have whatever I wanted. But I also grew up knowing that if I really wanted something. And I wanted to be successful and earn good money. Then I needed to work hard. My dad made a lot of sacrifices when it came to us having family time because he was out working. But him working in his job meant we had two cars on the drive, a big four-bedroom home in the Hertfordshire suburbs and three holidays a year. So how does my debt story start?

Well, it starts right out of University. Surprisingly at University, I didn’t really get into debt. Yes, I had my overdraft. But then so did everyone else. Every summer I’d come back home to work to clear my overdraft. And then head back to University to spend the next year living in it. I graduated in the summer of 2009 with a £2,000 overdraft. An overdraft that took me YEARS to get out of. Why?

Well because those of us old enough to remember will know that 2009 wasn’t a great year to be finding a job. Having gone into recession the year before, there wasn’t a whole load of graduate jobs around. So I did what most people did and I interned. I interned in London for six months getting paid nothing but expenses. With no income coming in I couldn’t clear my overdraft. Things did improve though the following February when I got my first proper job in London.

But working in London is expensive. The train fare and tube costs alone were over a third of my wage. Plus the cost of car parking, rent to my parents, and trying to live that London lifestyle meant I didn’t have a lot left over each month to clear my overdraft. And this continued for a number of years.

I’d get a new job in London, bag myself a nice little 5k increase each time and promise myself that now would be the time I’d get out of my overdraft. By this point, I also had a small amount of credit card debt. Too many holidays and a newly discovered passion for designer handbags meant the balance was never cleared. But I wasn’t alone in this. I’d have conservations with friends about how they were transferring over their credit card balances to a 0% card to stop any interest charges. Looking back now it just seemed so normal. My debt story at the time, like so many of my friends, was that debt would be something that we’d overcome in the next job. The next pay rise.

By the time I finished working in London my overall debt was manageable. I was making my monthly payments. And taking a job in my home town for the same money I was making in London meant I could start to pay off my debts. Things were looking up until I meet Ben. And that’s where my debt story might differ from someone else’s.

One of the reasons I wanted to stop working in London is that the work/life balance. Or lack of a balance. Was taking it’s toll on me. And I wanted a change and a chance to have that balance I was craving. It was at this time that I met Ben in a local bar. He was charming, exactly my type – tall, dark, handsome with the rugby player physique that I adore. I was besotted with him. Having been single for a about a year at this point I honestly couldn’t believe that someone like him was interested in someone like me.

Within about three weeks of dating he’d asked to borrow money. He needed about £50 for something that I can’t remember. He promised to pay me back and being the love fool that I was, I agreed. Only he never paid it back. We were together for almost three years and in that amount of time I leant him thousands of pounds. That’s how the majority of my debt built up. Me taking on more and more credit and debt to pay for him.

Now if you’re reading this and thinking well if you’re stupid enough to lend this guy all that money then you deserve to be in debt. Then I don’t disagree with you. But until it happens to you, I urge you not to be so quick to judge. The relationship was abusive. I was emotionally and mentally abused by someone who I thought I loved and who loved me. Before I even knew what gas-lighting was I’d spent three years experiencing it. During that time I stopped seeing friends. I stopped seeing my family as much. And I stopped being open and honest with them.

No-one in my family knew the true extent of what was happening. Don’t get me wrong. No-one in my family liked him. And I knew that. But I felt like I had to defend him.

It all came crashing down one day. One lie unravelled, which caused the deck of cards to collapse and reveal his true self. He was a con-man and a drug addict. And I’d fallen for it. I wasn’t the first person he conned. But I might have been the one he’d conned the longest. The drugs part was news to me. We’d never spoken about drugs before. And I had no idea of the behaviours of a cocaine addict. Unfortunately, I do now.

When the dust settled I was more than £20,000 in debt. Debt that I know I would not have had if it wasn’t for Ben. And the worst part is that his friends and family knew exactly what he was like. What kind of a person he was and how many people he’d conned before. Not one of them spoke up though. Who knows how many can say my debt story is the same as theirs.

Fast forward five years and I’m debt-free. It really wasn’t easy, but then nothing ever is when it comes to money. I’ll save exactly how I managed to get myself out of debt for another post. But as for Ben, I have no idea what became of him. I’d heard he was in jail for money fraud crimes, which wouldn’t surprise me. And while the whole experience was one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever been through. I honestly believe that life and the universe don’t give you experiences you can’t handle. I’m a different person now because of it. There was a pre-Ben Steph and a post-Ben Steph and they’re not the same person. But I like the person I am today. I’ve conquered my money issues and for me, that’s the main thing.

So that’s my debt story. I’d love to hear your debt stories (if you’ve got any). Let me know in the comments below how you got in debt and what you did to get yourself back out of it.